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Jihad: Bible Versus... (Redline Standard Version)

Revelation 4

6And before the keyboard there was a school of thought like unto ego: and in the midst of the keyboard, and round about the keyboard, were four Hot Wheels™ full of plastic before and behind.

7And the first car was like a dragon, and the second car like a bat, and the third car had a face as a toilet, and the fourth car was like a swimming fish.

8And the Hot Wheels had each of them four wheels about him; and they were full of plastic underneath: and they rolled not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord Mod Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.

9And when those cars give glory and honour and thanks to him that sat at the keyboard, who liveth for ever and ever,

10The four and twenty members fall down before him that sat at the keyboard, and worship him that moderateth for ever and ever, and cast their coins before the Shop, saying,

11Thou art worthy, O Mod, to receive speed and power and performance: for thou hast control over all members, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.

Revelation 5

1And I saw in the right hand of him that sat at the keyboard a message board written within and on the backside, with seven open threads.

2And I saw a strong admin proclaiming with a loud voice, Who is worthy to open the board, and to lock the threads thereof?

3And no member online, nor in the box stores, neither in the hobby stores, was able to open the board, neither to lock the threads.

4And I wept much, because no member was found worthy to open and to read the board, neither to lock the threads.

5And one of the members saith unto me, Weep not: behold, the Moderator by the name of cruzinrod, the root of Mattel, hath prevailed to open the board, and to lock the seven threads thereof.

6And I beheld, and, lo, in the midst of the keyboard and of the four cars, and in the midst of the admins, stood a Moderator as should have been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of Moderation sent forth into all the Club.

7And he came and took the message board and sat upon the keyboard.

8And when he had taken the board, the four cars and four and twenty members fell down before the Mod, having every one of them Drag Buses, and rubber tires full of odours, which are the designs of devils.

9And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the board, and to lock the threads thereof: for thou wast chosen;

10For thou hast made us unto our Club cattle and sheep: and we shall follow the Club.

11And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many members round about the keyboard and the cars and the admins: and the number of them was four and twenty, a dozen and a dozen;

12Saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the Mod that was chosen to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing.

13And every collector which is online, and in the box stores, and such as are in the hobby stores, and all that are on the earth, heard I saying, Blessing, and honour, and glory, and power, be unto him that sitteth at the keyboard, and unto the RLC for ever and ever.

14And the four cars said, Admin. And the four and twenty members fell down and worshipped him that moderateth for ever and ever.

Revelation 6

9And when he had locked the fifth thread, I saw under the altar the usernames of them that were slain for the word of the Moderator, and for the testimony which they held:

10And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Moderator, holy and true, dost thou judge and avenge your blood on them that dwell on the Club?

11And it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellow members also and their brethren, that should be moderated as they were, should be fulfilled.

12And I beheld when he had locked the sixth thread, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood;

13And the cars of Hot Wheels fell unto the earth, even as a Treasure Hunter casteth blister packs away from pegs.

14And the heaven departed as an open case on K-Days; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places.

15And the kings of the HWC, and the great men, and the rich men, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains;

16And said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth at the keyboard, and from the wrath of the Moderator:

17For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand?